I always come to them in their dreams. When they sleep, abandoning their glare-lighted waking world for the larger and more varied realm that is my reality, I am free to make my presence known. What do they think they see when I approach them ? Sometimes I wonder, for I have never looked upon any of my own faces. Only occasionally, I glimpse myself in the mirrors of their minds, and such views are always distorted. I know, however, that what they believe they see must be beautiful, for they pursue the vision with a covetous persistence otherwise inexplicable. I know too that my perception differs greatly from man
to man, for always I clothe myself in the fancies and deepest longings of each consciousness that I visit...
Always , I am the essence of personal fantasy... (from "Let No Man Dream" by Paula Vorsky)
By Christmas, the snow had been squatting over PARIS for days...and on the afternoon of the twenty-fourth,
the storm came... but however the storm and the snow affected the spirits of others, it didn't matter one whit to me...
... For I knew CAROLINE was waiting for me !...
Seeking a short cut, I abandoned the broad avenues for the narrow back alleys...I would have ignored the annoying sound made by an old violin-player playing for a few francs, but perhaps, it was the spirit of Christmas that moved me, I refused his request for money, and instead, courteously, demanded that he accompany me home where he would receive a hot meal...
I :"MY GOD ! You're so pale !...and the storm approaching ! Come to my house, I got a warm dinner for you !"
Approaching our residence, I caught a glimpse of CAROLINE at the window...
It was easy to see that she was expecting only me...
CAROLINE met us at the door in a hastily donned gown. In an attempt to relieve her obvious disapproval,
I cheerfully explained the events that led to the invitation of our guest...
I :"CAROLINE, would you prepare a hot dinner for him ?... He's starving and shaking all over..."
I reassuring CAROLINE :"I wonder if he can speak, but he can hear...Don't worry ! He's no harm to us !"
Had I noticed the profane stare that ravaged CAROLINE's body...
FOOL THAT I WAS for not seeing that unblinking eye of an old pervert capturing her every movement...
CAROLINE :" Please follow me , Sir ! I will fix you a nice dinner !"
CAROLINE thinking innocently :"OH GOD !...He's no manners at all for an old man !"
CAROLINE trying to break the silence :"Was the soup good, SIR ?...Did you like it ?"- SILENCE .
After dinner, you would think that the good lord would at least watch over his own son's
birthday..at least that !...Such snow ! Perhaps it will let up !...but it never did !
I could not find it in myself to send the poor guy into the storm...
CAROLINE :" MY GOD, ARMAND, whatever possessed you to bring this old crazy guy into our home ?"
I :"C'mon CAROLINE, I couldn't very well leave him in the storm !... That'll kill him !...Besides, It's Christmas , Darling !...
And If you don't mind, our special guest can sleep in the other room next to ours till morning..."
FOOL THAT I WAS for not even noticing that our guest was standing there behind the door
and watching every minute of our intimacy that night...
The next morning, we were awake when the night lift its veil like a sculptor revealing its latest work...PARIS had been silently reshaped in white...Reluctantly, I forced myself out of bed , disentangling myself from CAROLINE's arms and rapidly got dressed for work...Just a few minutes later, I was out the door. I prevailed CAROLINE to allow our old guest the luxury of a warm bed
for a few more hours...
I : "Give him a few francs when he wakes, my darling ...and then send him on his way !"
FOOL THAT I WAS for leaving my CAROLINE home alone with a crazy old man...!
CAROLINE :"YOU CAN'T COME HERE, SIR !...THIS IS MY BEDROOM !...GET OUT OF HERE !"
THE OLD MAN :"Do I embarrass you, dear lady ?...Don't you find me attractive ?... You know, I've watched you and
your husband last night !... AND YOU DID REALLY...REALLY BAD THINGS TOGETHER, YOU KNOW ?!...uh...uh...uh..."
CAROLINE :"OH MY GOD !...HE'S SEEN EVERYTHING !.... HIS BEARD !....NOW HE CAN SPEAK TOO !..."
THE OLD MAN :"Things could be much worse you know ?....Suppose, for example, I could be a werewolf, uh ?..."
THE OLD MAN :" Your man's gone for the whole day...For now, there is just you and me !...uh...uh...uh..."
CAROLINE :"OOHHH...KEEP AWAY !...BEAST ! MONSTER ! I WILL NOT... NO !...STOP IT !..."
CAROLINE felt the cold and rugged lips of the old man at her mouth... His lips tasted like bitter wine but CAROLINE found herself powerless to resist them... she wasn't submitting willingly ...not at first...but the need had been withheld until her body twisted with desire and she cried out with parched lips for more... They continued to kiss for a few seconds longer and the old man began eagerly fondling her breasts... It was not as bad as she had expected...Fear was lost in stupor, revulsion in a certain... perversion ! ......CAROLINE was so scared about what would happen next.....SHE PASSED OUT...!
.....A FEW HOURS LATER....
CAROLINE - As I recover my senses, before me, to the right, the old man was standing by my bed scruting every inches of my naked body...He had a huge knife in his hand ready to plunge it into my breasts...I would fall back into some endless abyss that yawned open behind me...Violated beyond reason, transported by horror, my senses were reeling...what I saw would have made blindness a blessing, insanity a salvation...but it was too late for blindness or insanity...only death itself could have struck the image from my brain...I was exhausted, I was nauseous... the sheets stuck to me like slime...I was all sweat...
I wanted to beg and plead, to abjectly surrender, to die...
THE OLD MAN :"Before I go, I want you to do whatever I want you to !..."
CAROLINE :"NO!... YOU WON'T TOUCH ME AGAIN !...PLEASE !... NOT AGAIN !"
CAROLINE - It was too much to ask ...my body heaved in revolt...I tried to crawl away...I needed a brief respite to clear
my thoughts, to think clearly, but there was no relief to be had...Deformed fingers with nails like needles crawled at my body ...
As his fingers moved down to my ...., I felt as if I were in hell, as if my body didn't belong to me anymore...
He unbuttoned his pants and pulled it out...It looked nasty, grotesque, hideous... I said nothing....I was too terrified...!
To save myself from sure death, I was forced to do dirty things that I never did before with ARMAND...
OH MY GOD ! He took my hand and wrapped my fingers around it and forced me to ... it !
I knew that everything was wrong from the beginning ... He made me lay atop of him...I raised myself so I could look down
and watch him kissing my breasts...He spread wide my legs and tried to push himself into me...OH GOD !....
CAROLINE lowered herself on top of him and the old man made love to her with a wildness she had never known before... CAROLINE and the old man made love again... and again... The entire day passed in a succession
of relentless embraces from which CAROLINE found NO escape...
They reached their climax and fell apart exhausted... CAROLINE lay staring at the ceiling drenched in sweat, afraid to look at the strange creature next to her...she wanted to get out of there and run somewhere else but could not make her limbs respond....
Finally, though exhausted and numbed with disbelief at what she had been through,
CAROLINE decided to escape while the old man was taking a deep nap...
...Not even bothering to get her clothes on , CAROLINE ran out of the room...
CAROLINE :"Where should I go ?...It's stormy out there !...GOD !...He 's gonna look after me !"
CAROLINE :" I HEARD FOOTSTEPS !...QUICK !... THE CURTAINS !..."
THE OLD MAN :"WHERE - ARE - YOU ?!?...COME - OUT - HERE !...COME TO GRANDPA !..."
CAROLINE - I stay still, and I'm afraid...again...Every minute, the fear licks me awake, follows me around the house...I was catching from the corner of my eye his silhouette approaching...My fear was never been so bold before, and I am amazed , stunned in disbelief at its brash behaviour...A small voice in my head screams at me to escape, that danger is near...But I am dizzy, and too late realize that it is from lack of air...my muscles fail to respond....My fear is upon me, as quick as an intake of breath...I spin in slow motion...my body trembles, feels boneless and all too vulnerable...It refuses to obey commands, and I cannot move...
THE OLD MAN :"THERE YOU ARE !...WHERED' YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING , MA BELLE, Huhh ?!..."
CAROLINE :"NO !...LET GO OF ME , YOU OLD BASTARD !..."
Having rushed through my work, I was on my way home as I hurried through the snow-covered streets...
How could I have known that the images of the night before had been brutally displaced from her mind ...
As a habit, I picked a newspaper at the station and what I saw on the front page totally stunned me !...
I :"OH MY GOD !...THESE EYES !...THIS NOSE !...AND THIS FACE !....CAROLINE IS IN GRAVE DANGER !"
As quick as as I could, I rushed home...the winter snow penetrated my thickest clothing...
I was prepared for the worse and had my pistol ready...
I heard myself screaming : "FOR GOD'S SAKE !...CAROLINE !......WHERE ARE YOU ?!...CAROLINE !..."
I thought I heard CAROLINE's sobs...but then all fell silent !...I walked to the foot of the stairs to listen closely...still silence !...
I was hardly aware of climbing the stairs... instead it was the door that seemed to be moving closer to me...and closer ...
My trembling hand fimbled with the lock, which yelded a tiny crack through which I eagerly peered...IT WAS THEN I SAW....
I :"MOTHER OF GOD !...STOP IT !...STOP TORTURING MY WIFE , YOU CRAZY OLD MAN !"
CAROLINE :"THANKS GOD !...ARMAND !...YOU'RE HERE !...WATCH OUT ! HE HAS A KNIFE !"
An insane strenght surged through my limbs, I released all my six rounds upon the vicious sicko !...
BANG ! BANG ! BANG !BANG ! BANG ! BANG !...
I :"DIE , MONSTER !...DIE !...."
Before my mindless fury, the old man lay in his own blood, silent and still ...
His eyes still open to the horror of his own death...
I :"I'M SO SORRY, CAROLINE !...IT'S OVER NOW...THE MAN IS DEAD...
I shouldn't leave you alone with him ...!...That's all my fault, CAROLINE !...
DON'T CRY !....I PROMISE YOU'll HAVE A BETTER CHRISTMAS NEXT YEAR, CAROLINE !..."
I have a love in ghostland,
Early found, ah me early lost
Blood-red seaweeds drip along that
costland
By the strong sea wrenched
and tost.
If I wake, he rides me like a
nightmare :
I feel my hair stand up, my body
creep :
Without light, I see a blasting sight
there
See a secret I must keep.
( "A Nightmare"-1857 poem by Christina Georgina Rossetti )
THE END
NOTE from ACTIONPAL : By using real people interacting with dollsI would like to bring a NEW dimension to my story. Hope you enjoy it !
Starring : SHAY AND THE SIDESHOW DOLLS. Background music :"Irae For Violin Viola And Contrabass" by JEFF HARRINGTON.Texts from "Lovers and other monsters"(1992) by Marvin Kaye.